* gently dismantles the 4th wall *

Brain Fart Depository

You would think that Andrew Jackson was giving you his undivided attention, and then you would glance over and notice that he had devoted the last several minutes to making a laborious sketch of an alligator.

“Mr. President!” you would gasp, indignantly.

“I have a bullet lodged inside my body,” he would say. “From killing a man in a duel. A better man than you.” He would resume drawing the alligator.

Daily Show correspondent Michael Che tries to find a safe place to report from.

(Source: sandandglass, via nikklesz)

dogjpeg:

Nintendo DS’s law is the observation that, as soon as you finally decide on and buy a DS, Nintendo will come out with a new and better model that you want more.

(via lightsoutlockdown)

l-ibellule:

austin-n-oli:

Confession: I have a friend who likes to text me at like 4am when he’s had nightmares or he can’t sleep or he just needs a friend. He thinks I’m always awake at 4am but really I go to bed around 12am and I change his text-tone to the loudest one I have just so it wakes me up when he needs me.

you’re the kind of friend everyone needs

(via robert-downey-jesus)

moonkistprincess:

"i was born in the wrong generation" i say as i steal my grandkids hoverboards because fuck you i was promised these years ago

(via ponderingamelia)